Dearest BFFs (Blessed Friends Forever), if you missed my usual Thursday post this week, I apologize. But there was a good reason. A terribly, horrible, gut-wrenching good reason.
I was enjoying a getaway at our Smoky Mt cabin on Wednesday when I received the call from my sister that I needed to come home ASAP. Our unflappable, ever-strong, dynamo mother was dying. It had happened so fast.
She had started experiencing what appeared to be asthma attacks over the weekend (she’s dealt with asthma for 40 years but had not had to use her inhaler for nearly two years), but they would not be alleviated and only got worse. Cindy took her to the MD on Monday and they said, “Yep, it looks like her asthma’s kicked back up again but with a vengeance this time.” So they gave her steroids and another inhaler and sent her home.
She actually looked her usual kick-booty self the rest of that day and felt like going to breakfast the next morning at the ALF (Assisted Living Facility) she’s been living at for the past five weeks. She sat with her old lady friends and chatted happily.
After breakfast, she went back to her room and must’ve had a breathing meltdown. An hour later, an attendant happened to stick her head in Mama’s room to remind her of Exercise Class about to start (Mama, an ex-PE teacher, often led the group, even at 92), and found Mama purple and gasping for air. The ambulance took her to the local hospital where it was determined that this time it wasn’t asthma, it was her heart, symptoms of which can mimic asthma. She had stealthily developed double pneumonia and heart failure (non-COVID related).
She was put on a bipap (have no idea if this spelling is correct) machine, which forced air into her lungs, but was so tight on her face it prevented her from speaking clearly and was most uncomfortable. She kept trying to pull at it so they had to restrain her hands. That’s the way I found her when I arrived at 4 am Thursday after driving all night by myself from N.C. to Tampa.
But it was the grace of God that I did, for I only had a few precious hours with her before she lost consciousness. Late Thursday, Cindy and I made the heart-ripping decision to honor Mama’s DNR and final directives for no life support. She had told us, “When it’s my time to go, don’t keep me here. Open the door and get out of my way.”
So they removed the breathing apparatus and put her on comfort measures only.
I guess we shouldn’t have been surprised that our strong, stubborn, always-a-fighter mom didn’t stop breathing like they thought she would. No, she kept fighting all night long, instinctively struggling for every single breath that refused to infuse her fluid-filled lungs as I sat by her side, swabbing her dry mouth and coating her lips with Vaseline (she never went anywhere without her Vaseline and taught me to do the same). I don’t know if she could hear me, but I told her everything I wished I had told her when she could look me in the eyes.
Finally at 7:35 am, she breathed her last. The horrendous deep dredging gasps I had been listening to for previous 12 hours stopped suddenly as if a divine hand had seen enough of her struggle and turned off the faucet. It was time for her to be graduated to heaven.
It was a peaceful passing for Mama, and I hope above all that Papa God had heard my pleas during the longest night of my life to allow Daddy to meet her at the pearly gates with his arms wide open (they were married 66 years and never fell out of love).
Thank you, my dearest friends, for allowing me to share my story. I feel a certain amount of healing in doing so. I hope I have not caused you any additional pain in your own heart, or made you unintentionally revisit the passing of a loved one you have not yet resolved with Papa God.
It’s just so. very. hurtful. Isn’t it? But I know death is something we have to eventually accept as part of life or we end up living in fear instead of really living and there’s nothing abundant in that at all ( referring to John 10:10). Jesus would have just wasted his time here on earth.
This morning, every time I reach into Mama’s jar of Vaseline that I used on her living, moving lips just yesterday, I am grateful for hope. How, oh how, could I possibly get through this without it?
When I stopped by Mama’s room at the ALF late yesterday to pick up a few of her more valuable items, the loss of her hit me like a freight train. My mama, the woman who gave me life and knobby knees and a bulldog disposition just like hers was gone. There I was, surrounded by her most personal, intimate things, and I could still feel her, smell her, almost hear her laugh.
I wept. Hard. I felt every centimeter of my loss.
But then, like a warm invisible shower, I felt … hope. The waves of desperate grief were replaced by the hope of heaven. The image of Mama’s joy at entering her eternal home and her spirit being reunited with the spirits of the Christ-believers who went before her.
I know – I truly KNOW – that because Mama and Daddy led Cindy and me to personal faith in Jesus Christ as our Savior as children, I will see her again. And she’ll probably tell me to stand up straight. And slip me $5 for a haircut (she kept my hair in a super short pixie cut until I was a surly teen, old enough to fight back and grow it long; forever after, even in my recent adulthood, she’s tried to get me to cut it, but I’ve employed that bullheadedness I inherited from her to keep it long regardless).
Would you mind praying for me and my family as we sort out funeral arrangements and all the details that will have to be addressed in the coming months? I would greatly appreciate it. And I hope I can return the favor for you, dearest BFF, when you need my prayers to uphold you in your time of need.
Hugs, Deb
Prayers are going to heaven to ask Papa God to give you comfort and strength during this time of sorrow .. my condolences to you and your family for the loss of your sweet precious Mom ..
No one can ever take the place of Mommy..
Take care friend .. you are in my prayers
Hugs and more hugs
Carol
Thank you for sharing with us. I am thanking God you were with her when she graduated. Your Mom is with Papa God and you will see her again. Take the time to grieve and then celebrate her.
Oh my sweet lady, I am so sorry to hear this. My sincere thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Losing our Mama is such a hard thing, but now she’s resting in the arms of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and pain free, united with the love of her life.
May God bless you and your sister as you begin planning for her celebration of life.
??
Praying for you and your family. Sorry for the loss u must feel yet I know in the midst of the pain Gods presence and Words comfort you and hopefully give you some joy too. Thx for sharing ur ?? with us.
Praying for you and your family. Sorry for the loss u must feel yet I know in the midst of the pain Gods presence and Words comfort you and hopefully give you some joy too. Thx for sharing ur ?? with us.
Huge hug…..I love you
Oh, Deb, I am so very sorry for your loss but thankful you managed to write this beautiful post. I’m grateful that you made it home in time to spend those last hours with her. I know how much you loved and honored your mother and are grateful for her faith that led you to yours. I will be praying because I know this pain also. I hope you’re compelled to write many more of her stories. May our Comforter hover over your family now and give you peace.
Wish I could hug you.
Heavenly Father, shield Deb and her entire family with Your love, peace, and comfort…touch everyone’s heart that is effected by the passing of Deb’s Mom with Your peace and love…Thank You, Abba, for both of Deb’s parents, they instilled so much love, time, energy, self-esteem, confidence into them, but God they made sure that their children had a relationship with You ..that is the best gift that a parent could ever give a child…as difficult as this may be, Heavenly Father, thank You that Deb’s Mom and Dad are in heaven….Thank you, Abba, for Your hope and love that you give to Deb…. continue Heavenly Father, to let Your love surround Deb and her entire family…May Your loving arms be wrapped around them with Your love in Jesus name I pray
Debbie,
I am so sorry to hear of the sudden passing of your spunky Mama! She was such a delight to know for so many years! You and your family are being lifted up in prayers as you travel through this journey of loss! Big Hugs, my Dear BFF!
Oh Debbie, I am so sorry for you and your family’s loss. She will forever be in our hearts. Though we loved her, no one ever loved her more than Papa God. Cling to your precious memories of her and find comfort that you will be with her forever in eternity. ????
Deb, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear mother. I pray you are comforted in your grief, knowing she’s with your dad, and with Jesus.
May you all feel God’s comforting, loving arms surrounding you as you go through the grief process, and may you have many sweet memories in the midst of your tears. My prayers will be with you all. Hugs.
My deepest sympathy to you and your family during this difficult time. I lost my husband, it will be 4 years next month. But I look forward to the day when I will see him again. May God give you comfort and peace during these days ahead. ????
I’m so sorry for your loss I know how it hurts to lose your mother but praise be she is in the arms of our savior surrounded by loved ones and fellow Christians prayers for the coming weeks love always your sister in Christ ??
What a wonderful tribute to your Mom and thank you for sharing your story with us. Your walk is always encouraging to me. Praying for you and all the family as you once again go down this path of grieving. I pray that Papa God will comfort you with wonderful memories and not just the hope but the knowledge of reuniting again. Thank you, Jesus for giving us that knowledge. May you be blessed with His ever-present arms of peace around you. Love you much!
What a beautiful post. Your Mama touched the lives of all that had the pleasure of knowing her. I was blessed to have had her as my health teacher as well as PE! I still remember so many things she taught me. I loved her attitude and firy spirit. I was showing my husband and stepson and his wife just the other day the video of her teaching exercise class. Made my heart so happy. I am so very sorry for you and Cindy and all of your family. But I know you take comfort in that you will see your Mama and Daddy again one day. Love and prayers for you all.
Pam
Oh Debora dear, so sorry for the loss of you Mama here on earth! ? Rejoicing with you of her being rejoined with your daddy and seeing Papa God (as you say) face to face. ?? You have been truly blessed beyond words for the deep love of parents your whole life. Sympathy for you and your family….but grateful for the real hope of our home in heaven foreverrrr! BIG hug & prayers!!
Oh Debora dear, so sorry for the loss of you Mama here on earth! ? Rejoicing with you of her being rejoined with your daddy and seeing Papa God (as you say) face to face. ?? You have been truly blessed beyond words for the deep love of parents your whole life. Sympathy for you and your family….but grateful for the real hope of our home in heaven foreverrrr! BIG hug & prayers!!
I so deeply feel your grief as you and your family both grieve and plan your mother’s memorial service with all the heartfelt pain that lovingly has to be done for her last wishes to be honored. Much prayers going out for you and your family during this very sad time.?????
What a blessing your mom was to so many people. She was the PE teacher when I was in high school altho she wasn’t my teacher (I had Mrs. May). However, she was so friendly to me and talked, and corrected me if I made a pronunciation error….lol. Then I was the Payroll Officer at the county office so I had many interactions with her. She was a gem. And what a long, wonderful life she had. I know you’ll miss her like I miss my mom. Prayers for you and your family as you go thru the coming days.
Loved your Mom. What a great example of true Mother, Teacher, lady….
I’ve so enjoyed the stories you’ve shared with us over the years about your delightful mama. Through your stories and pictures, I feel we had the privilege of getting to know the determined, spunky woman who raised you into a strong person in your own rights. The best gift she left you was a strong faith in our loving Father. May He hold you and your family especially close during this time. I do know the physical and emotional pain you’re suffering having been through it with each of my parents. As we all pray for you, I hope you can feel some comfort from us, your BFFs.
As I sit here, sobbing, I imagine she’s made a grand entrance into heaven. This was just the sweetest tribute to your Mama! The pain of it is all too real but, the peace is greater. I’m so happy you had time with her, even if it was short. Much love to you and your family. Prayers being sent ??
Those were supposed to be exclamation points…
Deb: May God’s gift of Peace be with you and your extended family during this difficult time.
So beautiful and heartfelt. This brought tears and even a smile.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so sorry to hear about your mom.
Your post was beautiful.
We are so happy that we were able to honor her at our 2019 Leave a Legacy event. What a delight she was to talk with and share her story! I still laugh when I think about all of the things she shared about her life and the entertainment she gave those who came to honor her.
We are just getting ready to honor others for 2020 and 2021 Legacy recipients, and just talked about getting in touch with your mom. Thank you for sharing her with Bradford County for so long. What a difference she made in our community. I know she is with your dad and is so happy to be reunited.
Thank you for sharing your mom with us. She was such a special lady. We will post her film or photo with a note of her passing on our Bradford County Education Foundation page. I know you filmed her at the event,
and we would love to have a copy of this memory. I pray for comfort and healing.
Cheryl
Oh, Deb, I am so sorry to hear this. I too have lost my mom, so I know what you are feeling. It also sounds like they were kindred sisters in their stubbornness because my brothers and I also had to make the heartbreaking decision to turn off all life support for her. Where the drs, and pretty much everyone else, thought she would pass right away, she held on for hours, gasping for breath, before finally passing that afternoon. Although we are never ready to lose our mom and I was truly heartbroken and grieving over it, I will also say I felt that “peace that passes all understanding” just knowing she was able to breathe, walk, and even run freely again after years of poor health, right into my dad’s arms who had been waiting 18 years in Heaven for her.
Many prayers going up for you and your family in the coming days.
With love,
Debbie
Debora, I am so very sorry for your loss. I’ve been there too and it hurts so bad to lose someone who means so much to you. I pray that God’s grace and love will surround you and your family and give you the strength you need to get through this tough time.
Written so beautifully. I felt her essence. Prayers of comfort to you and yours.
I loved every word of your tribute! Your mama loved it too as she read it from heaven! ??
Dear Deb and family
May God hold you in His arms and give you the strength and peace you all need during these difficult days. May the hope of our eternal life and love fill you as you walk through your grief. May the wonderful memories of your Mom and Dad fill you with warmth and love, reminding you how blessed you were to have them. I pray for you today and will keep you in my prayers. Love Deb
Prayers for you and your whole family. I know you will miss your Mama often as the weeks and months pass but I also know you have the hope of heaven. She was a force! I am so glad to have had the pleasure of meeting her on several occasions. Thank you for sharing your Mama and your grief. I understand your loss.
Our love to all of you.
Ever poignant ! I ache for all with the earthly loss of our Dear Adele. Hope, faith, love- she lived it! Loved it! And passes it on to each of you and me too. I am a better woman because of your giving Mother. May her soul Rest In Peace.????Peggy Dobbs Smith
Rest In Peace????
Rest In Peace????
Mrs. Mitchell was my PE teacher in ~1962. I hated PE, but she was a sweetheart. I am praying for you and your family. Everyone who knew her knew what at wonderful Lady she was. God Bless!
Thanks for sharing your heart and hers. Hope, for a believer in Christ, is sure expectation, not a maybe. What a thought!
Dear Deb, I don’t know you. I think you were probably quite young when I was your mama’s student in 8th grade social studies. I ended up teaching myself, and therefore developed an appreciation of the talented and dedicated teachers we were lucky to have in Bradford County. Of course, your mother is a star in that crowd! Thank you for taking me back to those memories and the influence of so many loving people in those formative years. Peace and love to you and yours.
I loved your Mother. She was such a wonderful Christian lady and will be missed by all who knew and loved her. Thoughts and prayers for the family. I can only imagine what she’s seeing and doing right now ! ???
Oh how I loved Miz Adele
Deb,
I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words that can really comfort you during this difficult time, but I will be praying that The Holy Spirit will give you comfort that only He can give. Sending prayers, love, and hugs to you and your family.
I remember your precious Mom.wellnfro. her Bradford Middle School days teaching. Her smile would ALWAYS brighten my days back in 1979-1980.
IF only I had known she was in a Tampa ALF facility I would have went to visit if it was allowed. I now live in Lakeland.
Hold tight to your precious memories and I will be praying for you and the rest of the family.
Oh, my sweet friend. Your words are beautiful, as well as heart wrenching.
She raised two amazing daughters, and had some fun doing it. Love to you, and I have been praying all day for peace and comfort. Those tears are precious, as someone once said, the price of love is grief. She was well loved…as are you.
Oh, I love that, Sandra: The price of love is grief. So true. Thank you for your lovely words of comfort.
Beautifully written… Such beautiful tribute to your Mama! And yes, you are so much like her in so many ways! Love you and praying for the peace that passes all understanding!!! Papa God will give you His strength!
Love, Liz
Love you, Liz. She always thought of you as one of the Mitchell girls.
Deb,
Keeping you and your family in prayer. Losing a parent is so hard especially when they are the only on left and we become orphans so to speak here on earth. Thankfully we have a heavenly Father we can go to anytime with anything. My own Mother passed on the eve of her wedding anniversary and somehow that gave me peace that she would be dancing with Dad on their anniversary. I’m sure your parents are happy to be reunited. May all your wonderful memories of them warm your heart until you meet again in heaven.
Thank you, Susan. Your words are truly comforting.
Dear Debbie,
This is a wonderful tribute to your Mom. I never knew her, but she sounds like a wonderful person. You were blessed to have such a wonderful Mom, as was i! I know your pain, and I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. Reading this tribute reminded me if my own mother’s death. I don’t know of anything to relieve the pain except knowing that they are in a wonderful place, and that you will see her again some day! The Lord will heal your broken heart, and give you comfort. For me, it was crying. I learned that if God didn’t want ys to cry, he wouldn’t have given us tears! And, our crying releases endorphins that actually help the pain! What a wonderful God we serve!
Sending love and hugs!
Lou
Thank you, Lou. It’s always meaningful to hear from someone who’s been through the same thing you’re facing and truly understands. Hugs to you, dear BFF.
Dear Sweet Friend,
I pray Papa God will give you strength and comfort during this time .
So sorry for the loss of your sweet precious
Mom.
Hugs and more hugs,
Carol
Thank you, Carol. Your hugs are the best!
Oh, Deb…my heart is burdened for you, and I will keep you in my prayers – – for today, and all the coming days. I truly understand what you’re going through, and I know the gut-wrenching pain. Now, even 16 years later, sometimes I miss my beloved Mama so much it’s almost unbearable. But like you, I KNOW I’ll see my precious parents again, and what a glorious reunion that will be! Please know you’re being covered in prayer, and keep leaning on Jesus. He WILL get you through this time.
Hugs and Love, Patti Jo
Oh, Patti Jo, please accept my belated empathy about the loss of your mom. I don’t know if we EVER get over it, do you? I guess you’re right – it’s just one of those things we have to get through since we can’t get over or around it. And Jesus is the one who gets us through it. Much love to you, my friend.
What a wonderful tribute to your amazing Mom and the reality of how hard it is to watch your mom go be with Jesus. I know she is rejoicing to be with our Savior and her beloved love of her life. Thank you for using your God-given gift of writing to communicate so well about the incredible pain along with the peace you experienced during this last week.
Thank you, Cindy. I sure miss your smiling face, my friend. When will you be back in our neck of the woods?
My sincerest condolences , Deb. I met your sweet Mama at FBC Dover several years ago. She said we must be related somewhere in our history because my maiden name is Mitchell. We delivered Meals on Wheels on Fridays and visited while waiting for our deliveries to be ready. She was a feisty little thing and I thought the world of her. I too held my mother’s hand as she left this world and met Jesus face to face. It was painful but I consider it a blessing by God to allow me that privilege.
Wow, what a coincidence that your maiden name is the same as mine! Yes, you pegged her well, Melinda – she was definitely a feisty little thing. I miss her dreadfully. Thanks for reminding me that holding our mother’s hands as they graduate to heaven is a privilege. Hugs to you and my deepest condolences on the loss of your mom.
Debbie,
May God kiss your heart with his compassion and encourage you with his love in all the ways that are meaning to you during this difficult time…Dan and Bonnie Van Hoose
Thanks for your encouragement, Bonnie – you’re such a sweet friend. Love to Dan.
Praying for you and your sister and your families Deb. May God hold you closer than ever in the coming days, weeks, and months and give you peace. May wonderful memories and the caring love of your friends bring you comfort.
Bless you, Cindy. I’m feeling Papa God’s peace that surpasses all understanding. Thank you so much for your prayers. They help.
Deb,
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious mother. You did a beautiful job of describing her and I know she must have been immensely proud of you and your writing success. She was an amazing woman that glorified Papa God as you continue to do so. She is now with Him and your father and is in such a glorious presence right now. I will continue to pray for you as you grieve her loss. I love you!
Well hey there, Belinda – I miss hugging your neck! Thanks so much for your sweet words of comfort. I definitely covet your prayers. Love you too, dear friend.
Deb, I am so sorry for the feelings of loss you all must be experiencing these days. I can see your love for your mom in the words you so elegantly wrote. It is a blessing you could spend some time with her as she was at her most vulnerable and in the most pain; or so it seemed.
I will be much prayer for you and your family in these days. Keep us informed and tell us how we can be of help or encouragement for you and your family. Thanks for sharing your heart with us in this most recent newsletter.
Thank you, Diane. I will indeed always feel blessed that I was granted that little bit of “good-bye” time with Mama. Thank you for your prayers, dear BFF.
Debbie,
I didn’t know your mom but that was a very good tribute to her. She is looking down smiling about how you can now carry the torch for her bulldog bullheadness.
I lost my wife of 40 years on 1/15/2021. I guess Papa God is taking all the good ones this Year.
It is hard but we will get through this. The prayers help but Papa God knows what’s best.
You always had a smile and spoke to me in school. You are one of the friends in school I will always remember and cherish. May Papa God bless you and your family.
Oh, no! I am so very sorry for your recent loss of your dear wife, Tim. My heart hurts for you, my friend. (I almost said “old friend” but since we both know how old we are, I’ll just let that one pass on by …). Hugs to you!
I am so very sorry that we all have lost this wonderful jewel we had on this earth during the times of our youth in her PE classes at BHS. I remember so many wonderful smiles and laughter she taught to us all. I will be praying for you. She is truly with her Father God now and will be blessed and loved by Him.