Oh, man. I did it again. Again. I took the bait.
The snark bait. (If you’re wondering what this has to do with gears slipping, just wait …)
Yep, I took the bait, even after I’ve been trying so hard to resist taking the bait when the snarks start circling. But I failed.
You know how it is – someone says something snarky … or nasty … or stealthily insulting, and before you can hook it and reel it back in, out of your mouth pops a snarky response. Snark for snark. Not good. Not right. Not Joseph-like (he of the coat of many colors who opted to return good for evil to his brothers who came seeking food in Egypt after selling Joe as a teen slave).
And certainly not Jesus-like.
In asking for forgiveness, I’m not counting (maybe I should), but I have a feeling my tally for taking snark bait when I shouldn’t is going to surpass seventy-times-seven. I’ve bitten quite a few heads off.
This week.
So here’s how it came down. Yesterday I was riding my bike through my neighborhood when the Rules Dude overtook me. Overtaking me on my bicycle is not hard; a three-year-old on a tricycle could do it. I roll more than ride and my bike is a fat-wheeled, pink, old lady coaster bike named Stella that’s getting some age on her nowadays. I ride more to clear my head, feel the breeze on my face, and to commune with Papa God in the Cathedral of His Creation than for exercise. To best achieve these goals, I’ve chosen not to wear a helmet. (Now please don’t inundate me with criticism for this decision; I appreciate your concern for my safety, but I’ve made my decision willingly and intentionally as an adult (sorta) who will never break the 10-mph barrier and who carefully watches out for traffic, which is rare on my regular bike route.)
So I was rolling along, enjoying my communion with Mother Nature and Papa God, when the Rules Dude, gray-haired, hard-helmeted, and dressed to the nines in flashy racing attire (to make a statement, I supposed), flew up beside me on his sleek racing bike, braked just long enough to tap his helmet with his hand and call out (without eye contact), “You should be wearing one of these, lady!”
Now I don’t know Rules Dude and he doesn’t know me. And this isn’t the first time he’s hijacked my peaceful nature ride with the same unwanted advice. The last time, I responded, “Do you not know that unsoliticed advice from strangers is rarely accepted and never appreciated? So keep it to yourself, bub.”
My own unsoliticed advice obviously was neither accepted nor appreciated in turn because he just tossed the same snark at me yet again.
And I bit. Again.
As he pedaled away, I responded, “Well sir, you have a nice day on your island of self-righteousness.”
Oh, dear. Did I really say that? Where, oh where has my Joseph-attitude gone?
I immediately felt contrite. My gears had slipped and I’d backslidden into a dark snark cave again. Will I ever get this “love your neighbor” thing right? Apparently not when my neighbor is as snarky as I am.
So I need your advice, dearest BFFs (Blessed Friends Forever) – what do you do when such spontaneous snark pours forth from you? Or am I the only one? Are you able to maintain your Joseph-attitude (returning good for evil; kindness for unkindness) when you’re torqued? If so, how?
For those of you who read my books, I’ll add that I did implement the Dead Dog technique (which I highly endorse as an effective anger management tool), but by the time I’d convinced myself that Rules Dude’s dearly beloved Rotweiller had most likely just died (and his grief drove him to rudeness – now that’s forgiveable!) and probably his dear wife too (so the poor man has no one left to rein in his know-it-all-ness and bad manners), he was already out of earshot. My freshly dredged-up compassion was for naught.
I even tried the POV that he is really a lovely fellow – probably feeds starving bunnies in his backyard – who is concerned about the health and safety of total strangers because his sweet little granddaughter was maimed while bicycling helmetless in heavy traffic last Tuesday. Sniff.
But somehow my imaginative sob stories didn’t stick this time. He still seemed like a crotchety old guy with nothing better to do than ride around on his superior racing bike telling people what they should and shouldn’t do.
Or – God forbid – is the problem me? Are my gears slipping because my attitude is slipping? Am I just stuck in overly-sensitive, hyper-judgmental mode and am overreacting?
Gulp. It’s okay, you can tell me the truth (I’ll only cry a little). If my BFF won’t tell me the hard truth about myself, whom can I turn to?
Well, gotta go try and find my Joseph-attitude. I seem to have dropped it somewhere around here.
P.S. Check out my new Bless Your Heart scripture cards HERE. Each Box of 52 blessings is only $4.99 to share with those whose paths you cross. Hmm. I wonder if Rules Dude would care for one???
OK, Baby Girl, here ya’ go. Advice from someone who knows and loves you….
For most of my life I have had people make comments to me that were designed to manipulate, control, and/or just plain hurt me. And I have been known to respond with a snarky come back.
This is what I have learned over the years…
Those people who have made nasty remarks, who feel that they have to be in control of everyone and everything, are not worth allowing us to lose our gentle, serene mindsets. As a general rule, they have a need to feel superior to others and we just happen to be the recipient of the moment.
Each one of us are ultimately responsible (and will be held accountable) for the things that we do or say. Again, this is experience talkin’ baby, don’t let anyone push your buttons and make you say, do, or think anything that will cost you your peace. Joseph kept his peace. Even when his brothers beat and sold him. Even while sitting in prison waiting for his cell mate to tell the king that he could translate the king’s dream. Even when his brothers showed up asking for food. Baby girl, snarky, hurtful people will be snarky hurtful people. I know for a fact that you are not one of them. Don’t allow anyone to turn you into one of them. Be the sweet, happy person that both Papa God and I know you are. ???
Oh, wow, Donna – your words are sound and wise, and I think you should be writing books instead of me. Your last few sentences made my eyes leak. Thanks so much for weighing in. Your thoughts are much appreciated by our BFF community and especially me. Hugs!
Deb,
I wrote this about an event I experienced when being snarky:
I spotted a car backing out of a space near the door of my bank. I stopped, gave room for the car to back out and put my blinker on indicating my intention to pull into the spot when it became available.
To my surprise a car quickly pulled around me and whipped into the spot I was waiting for. I rolled down my window, waved my hands and angrily shouted, “What are you doing? Didn’t you see me waiting?” The driver shrugged his shoulders and walked on into the bank.
After finding another spot and taking care of my banking business I got back into my car and was hit with guilt over my actions. I struggled with my behavior as I drove to my next destination where I quickly found a parking place right at the front door of a department store.
Once in the store I went to check out a pair of shoes I had seen at an earlier visit. I found my size and was surprised they were on sale for 75% off! Of course I grabbed them up.
I stopped by the jewelry counter and eyed a bracelet I liked. There was no price tag on the bracelet so I asked a clerk to check for a price. She wasn’t able to find anything and she referred me to the store manager.
Since there was no SKU or any other identifying lables, the manager told me not to worry about paying for the bracelet. I could have it!
I went on to finish my errands with continued blessings… a quick and easy stop at the post office, many sale items
at the grocery store, a kind individual assisting me with an item on a high shelf.
On my way home I was amazed at God’s goodness. My anger at the parking space incident morphed into thankfulness for his blessings even when my behavior didn’t warrant it.
God is good even when I’m not. I am especially thankful for that.
…
Sometimes our snarky behavoir is corrected in the strangest ways!
Love your articles!
Brenda Paul
Golly, Brenda, I was having a “Fried Green Tomatoes” moment during the first three paragraphs of your story (remember that scene at the Piggy Wiggly when the cute chicks in the VW Bug stole Evelyn Couch’s parking space and she retalliated by smashing their car to smithereens while laughing hysterically?), then you shifted gears on me. I love how the Lord gently but effectively loved you into seeing your snark (and His grace) in the situation. I have a feeling your story will stick with me for a long time. Thanks so much for sharing!
Your humor spills out in your faults too. Humility is a tough one. We don’t like being told what to do, but in the situation that you described, a simple, “Thanks for the info”, would have probably not brought the need to “switch gears”. Go get ’em, Tiger.
Linda, good advice, if only I would use it. Think I can memorize that response for next time? How’s this? “Thanks for the info, I’ll send it on to the committee for fair treatment of superior people.” Oh, wait, that’s not right, is it? Love you, girlfriend!
Hi Deb,
I cannot offer advice because I’m next to you in the same boat…
Can’t wait to hear the advice of those who can resist!
Janine in NJ
Me too, Janine! Thanks for taking the time to comment, sister. Hugs!