The other day in my backyard I was wiping sweat out of my eyes, a filthy hand spade in one hand and muddy phone in the other, as I simultaneously weeded my garden and participated in a live computer program tutorial.
Everything was just peachy until a dadgum bee decided my face resembled a chrysanthemum and stung the bejeebies out of my nose. Fire in the hole!
For some reason, the guy on the other end of the line (my tutor) seemed surprised when I called him back after retrieving the phone I’d flung into the shrubbery as I fled into the house, screeching, in a crazed search for Benadryl and a cold compress.
Why on God’s green earth had I ever attempted to do all those things at once, he pondered aloud.
Didn’t I know how much more efficient I could be if I systematically tackled one task at a time, he queried in a low, calm voice.
Wouldn’t I be interested in his excellent tutorial on time management, he wondered.
Listen, bub, why don’t you blow it out your kazoo, I wondered back. Have you ever tried making dinner, shaving your legs and feeding the dog at the same time? Has your baby ever spit up all over your church dress as you were herding three stray people into the ninety-degree car while scarfing down your cold, hard Pop-tart? Do you know what it’s like to plan a dinner party for 12 of your husband’s co-workers while scheduling Junior’s dentist appointment and trying frantically to get to your own job on time?
Well, women do it every day.
I’ll bet we could teach YOU a few things about time management, Sparky.
Okay, rant’s done. No, I didn’t say any of it out loud but Lordy I was tempted! Pretending to be nice is such a burden.
Yes, I’d go so far as to say that 80% of women are Multitasking Masters. Black belts. Make that black sequin belts with silver buckles and matching heels.
We’re experts out of necessity, not because we like going in forty directions at once. We do what we have to do to keep our families, our homes, our jobs, and ourselves running smoothly.
And I’ve got the bulbous red nose to prove it!
What do you think, girls? Post a comment below and tell me about your personal training regime for your multitasking black belt.