Patience. Kindness. I’ve been thinking an awful lot about these attributes lately.
Especially in this era of socially acceptable impatience and rudeness. I feel like I should make the sign of the cross and wear garlic around my neck every time I sit at my computer. Yikes. I’m afraid to say anything for fear of offending someone.
And even more especially because my mother is 92 now and as she gets more forgetful and stubborn and unreasonable to deal with, I find my patience and kindness growing thinner and thinner. The old gray mare sure ain’t what she used to be. And her mama is a dadgum mule.
I hate snapping at her. My testy tone surprises even me. I don’t know where it comes from even as it comes gushing out of my mouth. Like a putrid black geyser. Yet gush it does. Frequently.
She hates it too and has asked me more than once why I’m so short with her these days.
I can hardly say, “Golly, Mama, it’s because you often repeat yourself six times within two minutes and other times you act crazier than a June bug and most of the time you won’t listen to a word I say as you charge off without your cane, staggering like a drunken sailor. You want honesty? Okay, here it is: You. Drive. Me. NUTS.”
She’s been more trying than usual this week because my sister and I reached the conclusion that Mama’s forgetfulness and receding common sense have become a crucial safety issue in her home (leaving the stove burners on/not locking doors at night/falls in the yard when she bull-headedly attempts to do yardwork – without her cane, of course, to name a few). So we helped her choose a lovely Assisted Living Facility (ALF) apartment where she will be surrounded by people watching out for her and she’ll get good meals (instead of cereal twice a day like she insists on now) and won’t be so very lonely since Daddy passed two years ago.
She thought the place was beautiful. And looked like fun. So we moved her in last Monday. And now she’s mad as a wet hornet. At least when she remembers to be.
So since my own patience and kindness – or lack thereof – have been heavy on my mind recently, a verse in Romans caught my attention this week during my quiet time: “Don’t you realize how kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Or don’t you care? Can’t you see how kind he has been in giving you time to turn from your sin?” (Romans 2: 4 NLT).
Gulp.
Um, no, … I guess I haven’t realized that. At least not enough to dig deep in order to extend the same kindness, tolerance and patience to one of the most important people in my life when she needs it most.
So I’m asking for your prayers, dear BBFF (Blessed Blog Friend Forever) – especially those of you who understand the tricky nuances of dealing with aging parents. Please pray for me, that Papa God will infuse me with His supernatural power for coughing up some divine patience. Because nobody benefits when Old Faithful turns rancid.
Patience was the topic of this Sunday, May 16th, sermon…wow! So I have been mediating on the fruit of the Spirit. I remember seeing a post on Facebook, that read something a long lines of…I was patiend with you when you were learning to eat, I didn’t get mad at you when you stumbped and fell while learning to walk…so be patient and loving with me as I grow old. Basically, (you probably already know) it is a older Mother talking to her daughter….I am not in your shoes ..but that has always stuck with me. It must be extremely tough for you…praying for you.
Oh, Debora…my heart is burdened for you, and I’m adding my prayers.
Having aging parents can be exhausting—physically, mentally, and emotionally. But please remember to also take care of yourself, because it’s hard to offer patience and kindness when you are worn out.
And try to treasure your time with your Mom (as I’m sure you do!). I miss my Mama and Daddy sooo very, very much—I was their “baby girl”—even in my 40s! They’ve both been gone a while, but I still long to hear their voices again. SO thankful for the hope of Heaven!
Prayers and hugs for you – – you are a blessing!!
Bless you, Deb!! You will be in my prayers! I dealt with it with my mom and now my husband and I are dealing with it with his 92 year old sister. It’s not easy but God will provide!
Dear Debora, I can definitely relate to what you’re going through. My parents are long gone but my husband is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s. I pray every day that God will help me be patient, kind and loving as I care for my husband of 42 years, but I find myself losing patience with him more and more. How about we pray for each other in this matter?
Praying for you and your family. My siblings and I were faced with the same set of circumstances several years ago. My mom had asked me and my sister to be her health care surrogate.s. My mom chose the facility. It was ok at first, but very soon after she arrived there I became the bad guy. She would tell my siblings that I put her there. When none of us were there, the workers said she had a great time. I still have vivid images of her attitude. It was imperative that she be there. I feel your pain. Just hang on and know you are doing the best thing for Adele, for Cindy and for you. Hugs for all of you. ??????
I will pray for you, Debora, as I know this road, too. Last week when my dear husband suggested that we see a movie at the theater (so I selected a Christian golfing movie), I became very frustrated when he wanted to leave halfway through. After a little pouting on my part (because movie-going is one of my favorite pastimes, I heard that still small voice whisper, “Cheryl, it’s only a movie.” And since he can no longer sit through or focus on anything much longer than 30 minutes, I realized it was silly to even try. From now on, it’s movies together in our own living room where we can take breaks, grab snacks, push pause, or even continue in another sitting another day. I’m happy that you found a nice place for your mother and I pray she will grow to love it there. God bless you for your caregiving!
Papa God .
Please give my BFF friend GRACE to be able to take care of her elderly Mom.. please bless her ..
Please give her Mom a sweet spirit that can only come from you.
In Jesus Name I pray … Amen
Aw, Deb… You are a fantastic daughter (and wife and mom), but I can only imagine how hard it is as my parents are clear across the country (and their care falls mostly on my brother who lives close by). I will definitely be praying for you and your momma.
Over the last six months the Lord has reminded me that I have all of the Fruit of The Spirit in me, in full strength, because He is in me, and He IS love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, kindness, faithfulness and self-control. I don’t have to
ask for more of those things, because they are already in me. So I have been praying every day that He would help me yield to the Holy Spirit and that His love (joy, peace, etc ) that is already there, would fill me to overflowing.
I also re-memorized the “Love is” part of 1 Corinthians chapter 13 and ask Him to help my love be as patient and kind as His is… That my love would not be jealous nor boastful, nor proud or rude… That it would not be irritable. That it would not demand its own way nor keep any record of being wronged… etc.
I start my days out with these prayers, and while my progress is slow, I do believe my prayers are making a difference.
Oh, Kim – thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and insight with us all. I love your application of the fruit of the spirit – the already existing fruit of the spirit – to your situation and I will strive to do the same in mine. A big hug to you, dear sister!
Deb, you are definitely in the midst of difficulty. Having my precious dad struggle with dementia for the last several years of his life, has been so difficult. There were times that I just sat and cried and other times when I treasured him telling me the same story multiple times. It is definitely a roller coaster journey that God was faithful to be there with me. I am thankful he is whole and totally restored with his Heavenly Father!
Yes, Sandi – I know how hard it’s been for you. The gracious way you dealt with him during his last few years was definitely a model for me to use with my mother. Thanks for always sharing your own struggles – great example to me and the rest of us in how a godly woman handles adversity. Hugs!
I appreciate your honesty in this struggle against sin. I doubt there will be any readers who don’t know the struggle against impatience. I will pray dear BBFF.
Thank you so much, Patricia. You’re right – I’m sure impatience is a vice most of us experience at some time or other. I greatly appreciate your prayers. How may I pray for you?
For the same issue – unrighteous anger, getting annoyed when loved ones aren’t doing what I think is best. I can so relate to this so much. Also, wow your Mom is lovely. Over 90?? She looks fantastic. I thank the Lord for family looking after her ??
Your mama looks great for 92! I will pray for patience and grace for your time with her!! It is so frustrating to have the roles reversed in the circle of life! Maybe it should be called the maze of life!?
Ooh, I like that, Cindy – the maze of life. So true! You’re right – Mama is very fit for 92 and physically in very good condition. She can still do sit-ups, can you believe that? She could out-walk me when she was 70 and I was 45. Probably still can.
I’m so sorry Debora, but know you’re not alone. My Mom had to move to ALF in 2011 and she passed in 2013.
Just know we are praying for you and please don’t beat yourself up, you did the right thing for your Mom.
God Bless you.
Thanks, Naomi – this is very comforting coming from someone who’s been there, done that. I appreciate you taking the time to write about your experience with your dear mom. Hugs!
Deb,
I definitely understand patience being tested in dealing with aging parents! My husband and I are also looking at having to move his mama in with us in the future and his brother who has some physical and mental issues. I love them both dearly, but a weekend trip with her had me wondering if I can keep my sanity if we live in the same house! I love your honesty and point of view on patience and kindness. I will sure be praying for you and your mama. Unfortunately in doing what is best for someone doesn’t always make them happy at first. You are such a sweet person and I know you love your mama. Praying for God’s peace and comfort for you.