Thou Shalt Not Criticize Me

This week marks the third anniversary of the beginning of my ministry as a certified writing coach. I truly love, love, love meeting new or aspiring writers, hearing about their callings, and helping them set and reach goals for attaining their writing dreams. Critiquing their work is often part of the growing process and I try very hard to break any needed changes to them gently and help them grasp what editors are looking for in Publishing World.

As we all know, it’s hard not to take criticism personally and we tend to become overly sensitive about any negative feedback – real or perceived – about our work. One of my talented clients is fond of saying, “Take off the gloves and give it to me straight” – which I see as a significant sign of maturity.

So today I’m sharing an excerpt from my combination how-to/devotional, Grit for the Oyster: 250 Pearls of Wisdom for Aspiring Writers that I coauthored a number of years ago with three other then-budding author pals (including the now famous Suzanne Woods Fisher, who has been on every bestselling list you can name). I know not all of my BFFs (Blessed Friends Forever) out there are writers, but hopefully there’s something here that you can apply to your own life work. Hugs, my friends! (Please do comment – I LOVE hearing from you!)

 

Thou Shalt Not Criticize Me

“So humble yourself under the mighty power of God, and in His good time He will honor you” (1 Peter 5:6 NLT)

Please consider changing the age of the protagonist,” my editor’s voice entreated over the phone. “I feel  strongly about this. I truly think it will enhance the storyline and make the book marketable to a wider audience. 

“Well, I’ll think about it,” I said, shaking my head. In a June blizzard, maybe, I thought. It’s my story. I know what’s best.

After my manuscript’s sixth rejection, I began to rethink my previous self-righteous attitude. Why did I feel so defensive about her suggestions? Isn’t that why I hired an editor in the first place – to give me helpful criticism? My humility was complete when I received an agent’s blunt personal note: “Why did you make the main character so young? There is no market for this book. Not now. Not ever.” [Hey, ya gotta grow a thick skin in Publishing World!]

As writers, we receive more than our fair share of criticism about our work. From editors, agents, publishers, even readers. Sometimes the most helpful suggestion grates on our nerves. The bottom line is that we consider our work as our baby. What we really want is someone to admire our beautiful new sweetie-pie but instead they tell us to transfer her ear to her kneecap, turn her head around backwards, remove her feet, and add an appendage. 

The Bible reminds us that criticism from knowledgeable sources provides potential for group. “If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. If you reject criticism, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding” (Proverbs 15:31-32). 

Note that important phrase: knowledgeable sources. Granted, in some cases, criticism may be elicited by jealousy, bad faith, ignorance, or just plain malicious intent to do us harm. Consider the source and pray for discernment.

Criticism helps reveal our true selves by exposing our blind spots. “Get all the advice and instruction you can, and be wise the rest of your life” (Proverbs 19:20). There are some things about ourselves we simply can’t see. When others point our these hidden flaws, we should ask ourselves, “Could this be true, even in part?” 

If we’re open to constructive criticism, we can often avoid mistakes, detouring failure and subsequent pain. And those detours are the kind we should happily go out of our way to follow. 

Here in Florida, we get lots of sinkholes – earth-swallowing pits that open up unexpectedly, occasionally devouring roads, trees, and even houses. A man I know stepped out of his car onto the grass beside his driveway and felt his shoe get sucked off his foot. He hopped back onto the pavement and watched his loafer disappear into a thirty-foot chasm. Occasionally we see a picture of a car nose down in a sinkhole because the driver failed to heed detour signs.

Accepting and learning from criticism offered in good faith is like taking a detour to avoid career sinkholes. Why would we ignore warning signs that may save the literary career we’ve poured our hearts into?

As we grow in wisdom and words, God promises to use those skills to honor us as we honor Him, “If you ignore criticism, you will end in poverty and disgrace; if you accept criticism, you will be honored” (Proverbs 13:18).

Best of all, criticism increases our potential for success. We learn to follow in the footsteps of those who’ve impacted our lives, thereby helping others on their own life paths. “People who accept correction are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore it will lead others astray (Proverbs 10:17). 

Nobody likes to hear they’re in need of change. But if we’re not told, how will we know? A “my way or the highway” attitude only serves to strangle growth and dishonor the One in whose name we toil. 

Prayer: Father, make me humble. Help me accept constructive criticism as the loving rod of correction from Your mighty hand; a biblical and necessary means to the end of glorifying You through the very best of my potential. Amen.